From violence to wisdom 2

The amount of knowledge of all kinds is bigger than ever before, and presumably so also in the military field. So it should be possible to get information beforehand about all effects and consequences of any planned future war.
The experiences from Iraq, Afghanistan and the last Israeli wars (against Hezbollah and Gaza) could be used as reference for a computer calculation of number of deaths and wounded, number of destroyed houses, roads, bridges, industrial installments, schools, hospitals, museums, killed animals and also the value of lost time for so many thousands or millions of people, dragged into the war itself or being unable to study and work because of the conflict.
Also the effects on international opinion, trade and trust could also be calculated. And thare are many other aspects which also could be calculated.
Everything could be given a price in the main world currencies, and thus the full price of the conflict could be known before the first provocation took place.
To use knowledge in this way would be an act of wisdom.
The result would probably be that war was abandoned and replaced by negotiations.

Guantanamo 2

People are treated bad in most countries, but most countries are silent about it. A contrast is the USA where places and phenomena like Guantanamo are discussed openly, if slowly.
It seems that Guantanamo was started from the assumption that it is possible to get information by using hostile but new methods. If this was a success it has global interest.
But was it a success? One test question is if Guantanamo can be closed or not. If it can not be closed, it means that the methods used created tremendous embarrassment and enduring harm to the nation behind. Is this good? Is the cost/benefit analysis positive?
Those who were in favor of the Guantanamo methods now have to prove that they were right by showing that Guantanamo can be closed. Anyone who claims it is impossible to get rid of Guantanamo shows that the experiment was a failure, and a long lasting one.

The origin of ideas 2

A few ideas decide our life, and often they are a bit on the wild side. Trying to become an actor, a television personality, a real evil murderer, inventor of new space ships -- the world needs extreme ideas. It is built on them. But some of the mad ideas are truly mad ... and we could ask if we can sort out the nice madness from the bad.
The origin of these ideas are very deep in our own mind. We can get ideas and impulses from others, but the decisive melting pot is in our own mind, where our strong ambitions, extreme feelings, psychological mechanisms, will, dreams, self image and ideas about our own potential capacity is boiling.
It is a mind process and as such it can be perfectly transparent and rational. Often it is not. We do not want to talk about our most personal feelings and ideas.
We could discuss this in a non-personal matter.
It is part of the mind training.

The future 2

Life is manifestation of ideas...so we can ask why it is not better...why all these disturbances and irritations not to mention serious problems and sufferings...did I really want to manifest this?
The process of manifesting ideas is tremendously powerful ... if we look at the world from the outside, it might not seem so ... but the reason for a bleak end result is that so much of all activity is conflict ... if we could cooperate the result would be much better, even if the atmosphere of cooperation is more dull than the atmosphere of full conflict and catastrophe...
Can we cooperate, or is human nature seeking conflict?
The answer is that "human nature" is a habit rather than a static state. We are flexible, also on the most basic level.
If desperate conflict is the best for progress, we will manifest those ideas.
If we find cooperation in harmony to be the best, we will manifest that.
But we can not change this directly. There is a time gap.

The ball and the problem 2

What about the difference between me and my mind? Mind is part of me, so me is bigger than mind, but mind is bigger than cosmos.
Mind is very active on itself. It can be an ocean in constant storm, haunted by feelings, ideas, suspicions and sometimes facts.
Mind can be tamed. To tame is a negative expression, like taking away the wild, strong freedom. But taming mind is not negative. It is to learn to drive the mind as we can learn do master a horse; in order to get where we want and not where the horse wants to go.
If we talk about mind control, it is natural to see the two parts of me and the mind. Me is controlling and mind is controlled.
But there is no controlling me. There is a me all right, but this me is made from body and mind. It is not something outside this body and mind.
So the control of mind is a matter of mind against mind. One level of mind is meeting another level of mind.
And here we have the power needed for mind control. Positive development of mind is the same as increase in frequency and energy level. High frequency analysis can take power over low frequency processes, and should do so according to the internal logic of mind.
To activate high frequency levels might be difficult enough, and it might be even more difficult in an external situation of low frequency thinking and low frequency control points. Typical for low frequency is body awareness rather than mind awareness.

Hard work 2

Mind has a potential for growth, joy and happiness - so that is uninteresting...who cares?


But mind is the biggest threat to humanity, our worst enemy ever, the most extreme villain trying to make you suffer in every possible way ... so we better take care!


This was only the sales speak.


But mind is the biggest threat to humanity. The natural forces are not dangerous. Even earth quakes and tsunamis can be handled. But direct and indirect effects of mind misuse is difficult.


Our normal life is a low-level struggle with our own short comings in combination with the short comings of others. Sometimes the intensity is increased as in war, heavy crime or terrorism.


We can train our mind by solving external problems, but that is time consuming. If we start with mind itself, external problems will be solved automatically.


It is difficult enough to deal with the own mind. But the real problem is the processes in the minds of others.

Mind is smart and it will find the best solution by itself. If we interfere in the life of others, we often make the mind lock in a negative position. The extreme example is in Guantanamo bay where some detainees are checked against suicide every three minutes, day and night.

If we try to force the mind of someone, it reacts negatively. If we instead use mind rationally, we get a rational response.

But should we be rational or biased? Bias is the historical attitude, but rationality is for the future.

Constant change 2

Renunciation, emptiness and bodhicitta are the basis for Buddhist philosophy and practice, and these values are quite strange compared to traditional western ways of thinking.
On the material level, the western attitude has been to endorse progress almost at any cost. To claim that human happiness is different from material progress has been considered strange.
On the political level, many experiments have been made. By those in power the will to remain so has been strong. The opposite attitude, to see the political system as an example of emptiness, which means to be transparent and open to constant analysis and improvement, has not been popular.
Bodhicitta or the will to help others has at best been discussed. Many has seen self-interest as the main incentive for progress.
However, thanks to the material progress it should be possible to analyse the relations between material factors and human happiness in a more relaxed way.
The advantage with the Buddhist model is that it focus on human happiness and see material factors and political organisation as means to this end.

The wrong right doing 2

Why hermit life, why long time meditation in distant caves? Why these time consuming habits in Indian and Tibetan traditions?
Well, it is difficult to rebuild mind.
We can learn new facts comparatively fast, but to change mind into being more compassionate takes longer.
Before becoming a hermit, the person needs to hear the teaching.
By being alone, the person can see and deal with the internal mind processes. Mind can be tamed. It can be brought under the control of the person. This is important.
But it is not enough. The next step in difficulties is exposure to the raw impulses from other people.
The idea is to remove ignorance and exaggerated desire and aversion.

Four rivers 2

In Tibetan the word "dad-pa" means both to like and to trust. In order to clarify the meaning in a certain context, an analysis is necessary. This analysis is useful even for those who use languages which have different words for liking and trusting.
The normal translation of "dad-pa" is conviction or faith - that which governs our actions. Our conviction is very important, and the foundation of our conviction is thus important. The foundation can be what we like or what we trust or both.
So "dad-pa" is not blind faith. "dad-pa" has a foundation. It is based on something.
If our faith is based on what we like, the basis is not necessarily strong and stable.
Trust is a phenomenon reaching down into the dark regions of mind. Trust can be blind - having no real foundation. Trust can also be founded on a deep analysis and many diverse experiences.
In Buddhist psychology, the ideal is to have a trust that has this very deep and stable foundation. Then it can be used for good purposes, which is guidance in difficult situations.
Difficult situations are described as crossing the four rivers of sensuality, existence, opinion and unknowing.

Real fun 2

Reality is better than illusion, but the forces keeping us in illusion are strong.
In the political debate it is easier to accept and endorse the preconceptions of the voters than to challenge them.
Often we love our preconceptions and we feel very hurt when they are questioned.
Popular mass media like movies and television used to justify false ideas, keeping the viewers slightly intoxicated in illusion.
However times change, and it is good to see that some political traditions are becoming obsolete. The change in leadership in USA might be very important. A new era of realism would be most welcome.
In mass media, the extreme expansion with all new channels, Internet and other means for production and distribution, in itself opens up for a broader story. Reality is more fantastic than fiction.

Meaningless or meaningful 2

Can we experience the meaningless as meaningful? Indeed, we can. It is quite normal.
War is meaningless. All conflicts can be solved in other ways. But once a war has started it is experienced as most meaningful. War is the extreme form of the combination of exaggerated desire, anger and confusion.
In war we are desperate to win, we hate the enemy and the confusion about purpose and means is total.
This is the problem with mind. It can lock itself in a strange way, making the meaningless look meaningful.
How can such a mind be unlocked? It is a matter of identity. If a person identifies himself or herself as a person in the extreme, it is a serious loss of face to become "normal".
But if the person sees the extreme activities as temporary and quite alien to the true identity, it is a relief to leave the extreme.
So the therapeutic method could be not to try to jump directly from the extreme to the the balanced, but to go from the extreme to a neutral identity and later to the socially balanced identity. And it is a process without drama - the extreme steps are what we want to avoid.

Behind the veil 2

Exaggerated desire, anger, confusion, pride and hyper activity in mind - is this the formula for all western culture in literature, painting, movies and television?
Maybe. It is also the most important of what is called disturbing emotions in Buddhist psychology. They are considered useless, and they should be removed.
In the west we do not take things that lightly. We often see these reactions as Most Serious.
The border line between the rational and the irrational is often difficult to see.
To desire the good and lovely is good, but to overvalue the qualities is bad. To avoid the bad is good, but to feel anger is bad. Where is the border line?
Confusion is the natural state for the human brain. Pride (as in arrogance) is the psychological defence mechanism we use when we feel our knowledge is limited. Hyper activity in the brain is the desperate attempt to understand as much as possible.
We certainly can get stuck in our own disturbing emotions. Should we remain there, watch the movie and read the novel?
Or should we start to meditate and leave the disturbances behind?

Intense concentration 2

Intense concentration as a technical term for the Tibetan "ting nge 'dzin" or Sanskrit "samadhi" means in Buddhist usage a true grasp of the profound nature of reality acquired through powerful contemplation. (Coleman: A Handbook of Tibetan Culture).
Our understanding of reality emanates from ideas and not from observations. Sometimes observations help refine ideas, but the origin is always the idea.
The car out there is not the result of observations but of a lot of ideas tested and eventually developed into that mechanical miracle of a modern car.
These days we have for the first time the ability to gather extremely amounts of facts, about people and everything else. If we believed in observations we were certainly rich and happy.
But facts are meaningless without an idea.
All ideas are not correct. Observation is a way to sort out good ideas from bad.
One particular external phenomenon can be the manifestation of different ideas. Often it is impossible to see the original idea just by watching the manifestation. But if we know the original idea, we can see it manifested even when it is very vaguely hinted.
The technical means for control of people are better than ever before. It can become a nuisance if those who use this means do not know the limitation of observation and the power of ideas.
Many faulty ideas can be confirmed by observation. And it is sometimes impossible to negate a faulty idea by observation, as it can be claimed that truth will surface later. The most obvious manifestation can be misinterpreted if the idea is absent.

Reinterpretation of rules 2

In different religions we can see how rules made from the best of intentions can turn into dogmas over time. Then the original quality is lost, and the rules become instrument for special interests.
Then the rules must be reinterpreted. This is not easy. If the person who came with the rules in the first place is gone, who has the authority to update rules or claim that the old ones still hold?
Different approaches are possible, like historical, scholastic, theological, philosophical, legal and others.
But the best is compassion.
Compassion means to return to basic human values like truth and harmony. All are included in compassion, poor and rich, old and young, nationals and foreigners.
Mindminding

Feeling control 2

The feelings we will experience in the future are decided by many factors, and it is difficult to get perfect control. But we can get comparatively good control.
Our potential for experiencing feelings is decided by our actions now. All actions count - thoughts, words and acts. Big projects are more important than single impulses. Things we do with intense energy and enthusiasm are more important than things done without stamina. The important factor is what we actually do, not what we imagine we do.
(Sadly we sometimes prepare for a lot of negative feelings by actually thinking about revenge, violence, hurting others, using others and the like.)
The relation between our actions now and our future feelings is impossible to see. But it is there, in our mind. Every bad action will give bad feelings later.
We get what we deserve, and if we deserve positive feelings we will get them independently of circumstances and independently of the will of other people.
When we get bad feelings, it is unbearable, and we might try to blind ourselves by finding some artificial excuse. If we do, we are likely to get more bad feelings in the future.

Experience and experiencer 2

If mind was perfectly empty it would be as a video camera randomly filming anything, showing it to no one.
But it is not. Normally our life is very dramatic and drastic, full of emotionally charged happenings, hopes and broken illusions.
Our mind is not neutral. It gives importance to certain factors but not to others. Life and the meaning of life depends upon this "giving importance".
This process has two scopes, one external and one internal.
The external is when we decide about people, work, places, money. Internal is when we decide what to value and cherish.
When we make these decisions we normally relate to the reality as it is or as it should be. So it might seem as importance is given by external factors. And external factors can be very important. But the power of decision is in the mind.

The big difference 2

If I do something bad to you, I get indebted to you, so you can claim something you want from me ... so if I wanted to give you something nice, I should do something bad to you...
This is a social logic in a dualistic situation, where good and bad always coexist...you can not get the euphoria without the hangover...
so the variation is first hangover then the euphoria, first the degradation then the prize, first being very belated to the meeting then being very comforting...
an innocent game among those already involved ...
Is there any alternative? Can we imagine a world that makes a difference between good and bad, so we avoid the bad and seek the good?
So if you do something negative towards me, I avoid you, rather than seek you up and "force" you to give me something nice...
the signals we send should they express what we mean or what we do not mean...should we say "go away" when we mean "come to me"? do we have to use a harsh tone when we have a tender message?
well, there are many languages in this world, and we have to make a choice
There are also different schools about good and bad, their combination or difference, which we also can choose between

Words and meaning 2

Words are instruments we use to designate aspects of reality, but normally words are not part of reality itself.
Strictly speaking, using words is a way to create a distance to reality. Sometimes this is good, and sometimes it is the best we have.
If we know that even the most adequate word is different from the reality it refers to, we can use words for what they are worth.
We can also dissolve words into pure meaning.
Normally we do the other way, make personal holograms from our concepts. These constructs in mind can be very elaborate and very wrong. They can be comparatively true also.
Historically, the world is on the threshold between the era of words and the era of mind. Tremendous mind power is being released as more people in the world get better education, more free time and more intellectual stimulus. This power can be wasted by negativity, but it can also be used to elevate understanding and harmony in the world. All problems can be solved as millions of individuals from all cultures and with all knowledge can address them.

Action or reaction 2

In a world of good and bad we seek the good...but how successful can we ever be? Is it possible to find and stay in something only and purely good? Or will even the best of the good turn stale and horrid after some time?
In Buddhist philosophy the radical answer is that we can stay in eternal happiness if we spend that eternity by helping others. This is the situation of a Buddha. Being perfectly happy and helping others all the time.
Happiness is not a passive state or a state cut of from the bad and dirty, but a situation where you help others. The bad becomes a source for creating the good.
This does not mean that we have to keep a lot of badness in order to have something to do. Instead we can seek for higher and higher levels of perfection.
So the important aspect is our relation to good and bad. If we try to see only the good we will end up in the bad just from relating in a bad way. The presence of the bad will help us see the quality of the good.
In mind we have the natural ability both to react and act. Sometimes our thoughts are reactions caused by external impulses, sometimes they are actions decided by ourselves. Both processes are necessary.

Light

Light
Originally uploaded by KurtQ

The lotus 2

The writer John leCarre has said that he rewrites the first page of his books several times. Other writers probably do the same.
In the published book, only the final version of the first page is printed. If we did study the creative process it would be interesting to have a book consisting of all the versions and alterations of the first page - it would be a book of its own, maybe 100 pages all about the same page with small or big alterations. A theme with variation!
The traditional way, to throw away all bad versions and just publish the final one, is however quite justified. Trial and error is a method we have to use in order to find the best.
We could ask: which is most true, the first try or the final version. The first is probably most true towards the spontaneous mind set, but the final version should be most true to intentions and also to the language used by the readers.

Something better 2

No one can see God and live, it says in the Christian Bible. ( "Thou canst not see my face: for there shall no man see me, and live." Exodus 33.20) In order to recognize the divine, you have to be almost divine yourself, it says in the Buddhist tradition.
This is a problem, as there are so many things to do and think about in the modern world. The essential might be missed out.
If we want to approach the important matters of life, we have to work for it. But why should we do that if we can get a lot of distractions so easy?
Of course, mind work is different from ordinary work. Some feel it is more difficult. Some would prefer to play ice hockey for two hours rather than meditate for two hours. For some it is the other way around.
So the word "work" is probably not the best when talking about mind practice. But it is hard. If we try to learn for example a poem in a new language by heart, we notice how hard it is to make new imprints in mind.
If we get annoyed and utter negative expressions while trying to learn the poem, we make new bad imprints in our mind. This is easy.
If we see the struggle between good and bad as technical matter - no God involved - we see why it is so difficult.
We live in a world which is partly brutal and evil. In order to protect us we learn to use violence.
A good world is non-violent. This non-violence is cultivated from a start of non-violence intention, through non-violent methods to the final non-violent harmonious society.
How can we possibly start this non-violent process while using violence to fight off the old brutality?
The answer is on mind level. The world of violence should not be defeated but deserted.

Rules and anti-rules 2

The law production in the world is intense. International, national, regional and local authorities are busy. They want an orderly world. Very nice.
Global interdependence and Internet are new fields and thus fields for new laws.
Both these factors, awareness of global dependence and Internet, are positive. By themselves they should make laws better. Better knowledge in general and better information about conditions everywhere, concerning human rights, violence, resources, environment, climate, health and so on will diminish the opportunity to impose unfair legislation.
Whatever you do, and wherever you are, there is always someone watching you.
Historically, rules have a bad reputation. That is fair enough, as rules seldom have been fair. They have been biased, for example in order to keep the rich rich.
As long as laws are biased, there are always anti-rules. To break bad rules is not only good but sometimes even a mission.
But some rules are good. And breaking them always gives bad effects. To find these rules is difficult. It challenges tradition, habits and maybe even the spontaneous attitude of the population.

Deludedness 2

Is the future for man in mind manipulation or mind purification?
Man is deluded from birth, and it is easy to delude a person or a group of persons even more. Drugs can be distributed in the air or in the water or in many other ways. Ideas can be transferred subliminally.
There are many more ways. Should they be used? No.
If we start manipulating the mind of others we start a process that can not be reversed. We also get a responsibility we can not bear
If a small piece of the content in mind is manipulated, the whole content might be disturbed, and this disturbance is without explanation. We are disturbed every day, but these disturbances follow certain routines. Even natural catastrophes who comes as a surprise can be handled. But secret manipulation is something we are not prepared for neither in our genes or in our social upbringing.
Should we base a society on mind manipulation? No, the risks are too big.
Instead we should encourage purification of mind. A pure mind with full information is the best basis for a society.

Thoughts and thoughts 2

The ethical rules are stated negatively: Not to kill, not to steal, not to lie. So we can be a good person even if we do nothing.
We can be a better person still if we support life, are generous and spread the truth.
To make our mind produce thoughts that gives good actions might be hard work.
It is even harder work to train our mind to produce thoughts giving bad effects. But this work most of us do willingly. We want to prepare us for the worst, and often we are quite talented.
Anyhow, learning to think positive thoughts might be difficult. We should respect people who do that.

Alternative to anger 2

Non-violence is not very potent when a conflict has occurred. It should start much earlier, and thus the conflict should have been avoided.
This is an idealistic analysis in a world that is loaded with conflict. The focus is on winning rather than avoiding conflict. Sometimes conflict is even good-humored. We try to live with conflict. It is like an incurable, widespread mental disease with occasional eruptions.
Non-violence should be the starting point in everything we do. We start new things every second. We can start non-violence now.
Ideas are always true to their origin. If we start from non-violence, the end result will be non-violence. If we start from violence, the result will be violence, even if we say we seek peace and harmony. It is extremely difficult to change from violence to non-violence in the middle of a process.
A difficulty is that others might interfere. If the others use violence, we might look like a victim if we do not react in the same way. This is a primitive form of cooperation. It can be nasty as long as it lasts, but it is not eternal.
Another difficulty is the extreme attractiveness of non-violence. If a group trained in violence meets non-violence, the natural reaction is just to kill it out of pure raw attraction. The rational reaction is of course to learn non-violence.
When we meet external situations we use ready-made reactional patterns. If anger is such a pattern, we might find many uses for it.
To learn non-violence patterns is hard work. Why should we invest in this kind of work?
We know why when we have made it.

Past and present 2

Intention is the most important factor deciding the future. Intention is obvious in doing material things like building a house. If we build a house, we have a house.
But intention is more than that. Intention decides if the life in the house will be nice or bad.
Intention is something we all have. It is something happening in our mind. Sometimes we do not know why. We just have a strong will to do this or that.
So intention is often bad. If we have been treated badly, we feel it to be quite normal to react negatively. We want revenge.
However, we get what we want. If we want revenge, we will get revenge - on our self.
If we want a nice future we need good intentions, always and towards all.
Is this a natural, spontaneous life? No not for all.
But we can learn. The intention producing mechanism in mind can be developed into having nothing but positive intentions.
There are so many things in this world we as specific individuals have no access to, but we always have access to the intention producing mechanism in our mind.

Self awareness 2

If we analyze self we can arrive at a very spacious, transparent construct which seems to be almost no self at all.
This is more true than our spontaneous idea of self as something solid and constant. This solid self suffers from change, and the reality is in constant change.
When we are criticized or threatened, our self contracts. This self is geared for desperate defense.
Normally when we meet people we can expect the false solid self or the agitated but contracted self.
The analysed spacious self is more rare.
Sometimes we meet people who are "unspoilt" - naturally open, generous and trusting. This is very nice, but these individuals are more vulnerable than those with an analysed self.
In difficult situations - potential conflicts - we need to be open, generous and trusting. But spontaneously we might feel threatened. Then our self contracts and we might become hostile.
So our spontaneous reactions can be destructive.

Helpless power 2

Strong experiences and dreams we have as young will influence us under the rest of our life and sometimes force us to act in compulsive ways. Popularly said: boys will be boys.
It is a mind phenomenon. Whatever we get into our mind - with strong feeling - will eventually manifest externally.
To be young is to be exposed to intense instincts and ruthless people of all ages. The experience is sometimes unbearable. It creates dreams, for boys often about power.
The problem is when these dreams manifest at an age and in a situation where consideration, compassion, sophistication, kindness and sensitivity would be appropriate. Instead we get blunt force.
Like all mind phenomenon this can be dealt with through analysis, understanding and systematic re-programming by the individual concerned. Others can not do the task.
More direct methods as resistance, violence, laws, blackmail, public debate, nasty tricks and the like will never work on their own. They can misfire, as they might lead to an analysis about unfair methods rather than about the real problem.
The best is of course to have an environment for young people where complex dreams including cooperation, generosity and the power of understanding can flourish.

Back to base 2

What is the ideal life? What about this: We grow up. We leave our home. We enter the alien country, learn new things, work and become imprisoned. We escape, return to our home land, but now we can enter the glass tower.
The outline of this story is from an old Tibetan legend, retold in "Wholeness Lost and Wholeness Regained" by Herbert V. Guenther.
In earlier times, artisans did this. They left their home and wandered to other countries to learn their art from one master here and another master there. Eventually they returned home, but now as masters on their own right.
The shamans also made a journey to learn their trade, eventually returning with the ability to help those at home.
So life is not only about achieving something out there, but to return with new knowledge.

Intelligence 2

We see what we expect to see, so if the intelligence services of the world are trained in seeing peace and harmony, we will have a world of peace and harmony.
The world itself is of course in a state of constant change. If we see that change as positive, everything is positive. If we see that change with fear, the world is fearsome.
If we look for the positive results of the change, we will see them and we will support the weak parts so the result always is positive.
These days it is possible to collect enormous amounts of information, and still not find the interesting truth. The truth is in mind. It is behind the facts.
Mind is not the same as the brain. The brain can be manipulated.
Mind does not need any manipulation. The honest truth is good enough.

Stone wall

Stone wall
Originally uploaded by KurtQ

Unawareness 2

The world we live in is not the world but our own mind. If we lived in some kind of objective world we would have to deal with it in a certain way. Now we live in our own mind, so we have to deal with it in another way.
It is rather confusing, as the two images - objective world and mind - are imposed on each other.
The objective world seems to be there. If I look the other way and run into the table I might get hurt. The table is there. If I run into the table, it is decided by my mind. The table did not decide I should run into it.
I did not decide I should run into the table now. I did it earlier. I made something negative. When it matured long after, I ran into the table. The decision came from my mind. I could not avoid it. i was looking the other way. If I had not done that negative thing, I had not run into the table.
If we live in our mind, what should we relate to in order to avoid running into tables and other bad things?
The essential principle is to look for the good for others. Loving kindness.
So good so far. In the normal world confusion, challenge and distraction is the normal. How can we hold on to loving kindness when we are disturbed constantly?
We are parts of a complicated social interaction. If we treat others bad, the general situation will be bad. Do we have to treat others bad in order to get something not so bad? No, that is a mistake. Bad will always lead to bad.
Can we mistake good actions for bad? Yes, that is possible, in particular for surprises. If we regret a good action, the negative effects are very strong.
As always on mind level, communication and information is the way to avoid misunderstandings and problems. Secrecy is dangerous.